Brianna J Garcia – Smartasses Miss “April-May June” 2013

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BRIANNA J GARCIA MISS “APRIL-MAY JUNE” 2013

As you know by now, it is in the wake of our annual Smartasses Top 100 Sexiest Women List, which is revealed each and every March 17, where we hand pick one particularly uber-sexy chickie-babe for our feature spot of the year, and name her “Miss April-May June”… and even though there’s a little tongue-in-cheek humor in the fact that a gal could actually be named, “April May June”, there’s certainly nothing funny about our queen-of-the-scene for twenty-thirteen. However, this year, if you cried “April Fools”, even though you’d be wrong – nobody would blame you for thinking so. Meet, Brianna J Garcia, the gal who became, thanks to a heart-stopping handsomeness and singular sophisticated style which she had mastered at a particularly precipitant age, an Internet phenomenon with genuine celebrity status, by being one of the most faked female personalities in history.

Thanks to the aforementioned infinite number of Brianna fakes out there, flooding the information highway with a veritable cornucopia of misinformation, as one of her fans put it, “(Brianna’s) been 21 since she was 12.” Truth be told, even if that is a bit of an exaggeration, seeing as how this French, Welsh, Irish, Cuban, Polish, and Dominican dame never really started posting her Vogue-esque pictures on MySpace til she was around 15 or so, and just celebrated her 21st birthday this past March, still, our 2013 feature femme-fatale is a Pisces, and we all know they’re the adults of the zodiac. Combined with a less than piece-of-cake path in life which evoked an exigency where Garcia needed to grow up fast, and it makes one consider that maybe that fan wasn’t so far from the farm after all.

Even though our vegan Miss April-May June was born in the Big Apple, and has lived just about everywhere from the southern tip of Florida to the mean-streets of Detroit, don’t start “spreadin’ the news’ any time soon- this tawny-eyed tootsie is an L.A. gal now, through and through. Don’t expect to see number sixty-nine on Smartasses 2013 Top 100 Sexiest Women at a Dodgers game anytime soon either. For Brianna, it’s all about modeling and music, and your best prospect to play paparazzo is to catch her while she’s playing front-woman on the microphone, singing for the band Lust & Lies.

Barmy for Brianna? If you didn’t catch her in the Spring 2013 catalogue for Pink Ice, don’t get your panties in a bunch. You can check out her Bio & Gallery, find her on Twitter, Facebook, or her Official Website… and of course on Model Mayhem.

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20 Questions with Brianna J Garcia – Miss “April-May June 2013″

1- The worst advice my mother ever gave me was: To go to Christian school… ‘They have nicer kids there,’ she said… ‘You will get a better education there…’ She said. That was all a load of crap.

2- The last good movie I watched was: VHS. Very original take on a horror film. Loved it. Plus, pretty much all the killers were chicks.

3- My favorite pig out food is: Pizza & Chinese, those are my absolute favorites.

4- My favorite actress is: Angelina Jolie, she’s a beast.

4.2 – My favorite actor is: Johnny Depp… I always thought him & Angelina would make a perfect couple, they seem very similar.

5- My favorite childhood memory is: That’s tough… I am drawing a blank but… gay bars with my mom as a toddler were always a treat. They never had a problem letting a two year old baby girl in as long as she could hang with her fabulous fag-hag mother till 2 AM.

6- My favorite bands(s) or musical artist(s) is/are: I love Tool, Zepplin of course, Serj. My favorites are interchangeable.

7- My most prized possession is: My life.

8- My most major accomplishment: Hasn’t happened yet.

9- My personal hero is: My mom, she would do anything for me… Which is why I never ask her for anything anymore, ever. She is the sweetest.

10- I’d give anything to: …

11- I’ve never been able to: Ice Skate, Roller Blade/Skate, or Skateboard… Have tried them all, especially ice skating… I used to go with my friends all the time in the winter in Florida at the ice rinks… After a while the friends who couldn’t skate like me, started to catch on, which is when I couldn’t go anymore, because that was just embarrassing. All of them always a failure. I have no coordination or something… And wobbly ankles.

12- The worst part of my job is: Modeling, has long hours and I am always sore from the crazy poses the next day. Music is very hard on life, but worth it. I guess they both are.

13- My fantasy is: Playing stadiums, and changing something about the world for the better.

14- The one thing I cannot stand in people is: People who can never congratulate, only criticize . People who try to tell you how to live your life, when they are no better than you. People who point fingers with dirty hands.

15- If I could change one thing about myself, it would be: It would be nice to not be so hard on myself sometimes. Everyone in my life at some point or another always try’s to get me not to put such immense pressure and stress on myself all the time, I am always thinking, always wishing to perfect things, and always judging myself.

16- My most embarrassing moment was: I embarrass myself all the time. Probably the stuff that isn’t meant to be taken seriously and ends up on Youtube for the world to judge me on, that is not even serious that is taken seriously.

17- Nobody knows I am: Trained in bullet & bomb resistance. Shortly after I turned 18 I worked for a company based in Laguna Beach called, ‘Safe Zone Ballistics.’ Started as a personal assistant & moved up into Eastern Regional Vice President position. For the first time after my mom & step dad divorced and everyone went broke that I had money of my own, good money. And I was traveling the country and living in my own office in Laguna Beach, California… Most of my friends thought my parents still had money (that they didn’t have since I was 16), and I was traveling with them. Some refused to believe it even with countless amounts of photographic evidence of everything from the locations, hotels, work, my bosses, at The NYC bomb-squad testing merchandise, and even my business cards & pictures in my office with the equipment. It was rather empowering.

18- My friends like me because: What friends? haha… My friends like me because I’ve either known them forever, we have made or make music together, or have worked together in the fashion industry… They probably don’t all like me.

19- Behind my back they say: Things about me that they do not know or understand.

20- My favorite color is: Red, or sometimes pink… I usually prefer the absence of color. Or shades.

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Smartasses Twitter Quote of the Day: ”What is it about quaffing mead, feasting on boar’s meat, and plundering a small Christian village, that makes man feel like a Saxon?”

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© Smartasses June 2013

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Smartasses 2013 Top 100 Sexiest Women

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“Smartasses Online Magazine – Bringing You Hot Chicks Since 2006“

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Meet MARIE Avgeropoulos

Your Vote for Smartasses 2012 Hot Chick O’ The Year!

MARIE AVGEROPOULOS – SMARTASSES 2012 HOT CHICK O’ THE YEAR

One thing is for sure- the women of the CW Network are no stranger to Smartasses. Among those who have made our annual Top 100 Sexiest Women List are Sophia Bush and Jana Kramer of One Tree Hill, Taylor Momsen and Jessica Szohr from Gossip Girl, Malese Jow and Torrey DeVitto from The Vampire Diaries, Maggie Q and Lyndsy Fonseca from Nikita, Kristin Kreuk from Smallville and Beauty & The Beast, and Jessica Lowndes from 90210. So what better way to READ MORE…

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And now we bring you…

SMARTASSES 2013 TOP 100 SEXIEST WOMEN

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100 CECILY Strong

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It’s no secret that we here at Smartasses are suckers for a nice heap of sweeping, swarthy black hair on a lassie’s head, so when Cecily Strong first appeared on Saturday Night Live in the autumn of twenty-twelve, you can bet our heads turned and our eyes perked up. Not unlike Natalie Morales, Aubrey Plaza, or Olivia Munn before her, Strong is proof positive that “funny” can also be “sexy”… and truth be told, I doubt it’s just us, but we kind of look at her as “The Girl At The Party We Wish We *Were* Having A Conversation With”.

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Smartasses 2013 Top 100 Sexiest Women

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“Smartasses Online Magazine – Bringing You Hot Chicks Since 2006“

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99 Jessica de Gouw

Last Year N/A

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Jessica de Gouw was given a huge boost on the sexy-points-scale just for the mere fact that she donned the Huntress costume, one of our favorites here at Smartasses when we named our Top 50 Sexiest Comic Book Babes of All Time (we like to pretend the Ashley Scott/Birds of Prey fiasco never happened). We have to admit, at first we were skeptical when it was first announced that de Gouw would be taking up the cowl and crossbow on CW’s Arrow, but as Kristin Kreuk, Marie Avgeropoulos and countless others can attest to (just not Ashley Scott), stars of the CW Network are no stranger to our Top 100 List, and after seeing her perfect interpretation of Helena Bertinelli, Jessica isn’t one now either. Physically, this Aussie has great hair, great lips, and fantastic eyes, and we’re looking forward to her playing the not-so-heroic-heroine for many years to come.

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98 JENNA Mourey

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It really is tantamount to the current state of the world, that anyone could become a legitimate celebrity, garnering their own Wikipedia page no less… just from being on YouTube. To that end, not ones to be left in the dust, we here at Smartasses actually loosened up our own eligibility restrictions this year, and measuring by the overwhelming support Jenna Mourey Marbles received in our “2012 Who Should Make Our Top 100 Sexiest List For The First Time?” poll (beating out even the likes of Miley Cyrus) it seems we made the right choice. As for us, she may have tried to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes by trying to appear as unattractive as possible in her infamous How To Trick People Into Thinking You’re Good Looking video, but she’s not fooling anyone. Most people would call her crazy for even suggesting that she’s not attractive. Crazy indeed. Crazy like a fox. Wink, wink.

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97 ANGELA Rypien

Last Year 72

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With Angela Rypien’s supermodel good looks and unmatched athletic prowess, if this were the 8th century BC, Homer would have been writing the Rypieniad and the Angelassey instead. There’s no question in our mind, that with those eyes, that smile, and hair that even Pterelaos himself would have been jealous of, that Angela, not unlike Helen of Troy, could have launched a few thousand ships in her own right. Chances are, she would have been raising a few, erm… tunics, at the Olympiads as well- at least in the javelin throw, because when we say ‘unmatched athletic prowess’, we mean that quite literally. Angela Rypien is without question, the best quarterback in the Lingerie Football League… the problem is, she’s too good. She throws it hard, fast, and with pin-point accuracy. The problem is, often times her receivers cannot catch it. But isn’t that the appeal of any great mythological story? We all love a great tale, of when gods walk among men, and goddesses, like Angela, walk amongst mere mortal women.

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96 SHANNA

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Ladies and gentlemen, meet the winner of our 2012 “Who Should Make Our Top 100 Sexiest List For The First Time?” poll, Alexandra “Shanna” Barrulas, better known as “Portugal’s Perfect Athlete”. But then again, that’s not really a surprise either because as we all know… she’s, well, perfect. Should you happen to forget that little tidbit though, Shanna has no problem reminding you, and to that end, she even has the very word ‘Perfect’ written on the back of those tiny little wrestling shorts of hers. We have to admit, Shanna does seem to have all the right pieces to the puzzle, and hey, not unlike one having the ability to score above a perfect 4.0 in scholarly activities, we think Shanna also deserves a little “Honor Class Extra Credit”, just for the mere fact that she quite often wears Chuck Taylors in the ring. Anyone who’s been a Smartass-aholic long enough, already knows that’s already worth major bonus points.

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Smartasses 2013 Top 100 Sexiest Women

Proud to be the Fourth Largest Top 100 Sexiest Women List In The World!

“Smartasses Online Magazine – Bringing You Hot Chicks Since 2006“

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95 PAIGE Wyatt

Last Year N/A

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As one of the top three vote recipients in our 2012 “Who Should Make Our Top 100 Sexiest List For The First Time?” poll, Paige Wyatt joins the short-list of celebrities, who have joined the ranks of Smartasses Sexiest Women in only their first year of eligibility. Given the fact that Paige is not only downright gorgeous, but also has more curves than an Eastern Kentucky road map… it’s pretty easy to see why. By the way, don’t be fooled by those cute little cutoff jeans designed to cater to the show’s audience, or the American Guns T-Shirts that daddy wants everyone wearing on the show. Whether it’s a pair of tights and killer boots, a sassy little sundress, or a drop-dead hip hugger and a sexy pair of kicks, Wyatt is also an aspiring fashionista who knows a dapper set of duds when she sees them… and that always gets a gal some bonus points.

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94 DJ Rhiannon

Last Year N/A

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Unless you live on the left coast of the America’s, especially SoCal, you probably know DJ Rhiannon best from the time she exercised her Canadian Vancouver connection, to cross paths with fellow Vancouverite Kristin Kreuk, who is no stranger to the Smartasses Top 100 Sexiest Women list herself, on a one-shot of Smallville. However, we like to think of Rhiannon as the fiercest, sexiest DJ in all of Los Angeles. If you’ve never seen her and want to know why she tickles our fancy, just imagine Alyssa Milano in her hottest prime, rapping like 2 Live Crew… and we’re talking the exact same topic as 2 Live Crew, if you know what we mean. If you want to know even more, check out DJ Rhiannon as the Smartasses December 2012 Hot Chick O’ The Month.

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